Torture

I am all confused at all the different diets and advice out there. Everything is very conflicting. I am frusterated to the point of eating a cream filled doughnut to spite them all...that will teach them! But alas, instead of eating a doughnut, I broke down and joined Weight Watchers. Look at me, picking Weight Watchers over a doughnut...you don't have to say it, I even surprise myself. So I am trying to put aside everything I have been reading about 'unhealthy carbs'. Weight Watchers doesn't even look at them. They want you to choose 'fat free' ranch over regular, when regular has little sugar and low carbs, and fat free is loaded with sugar and loaded with carbs! I tend to think that sugar is worse than fat, but I am not the expert. Weight Watchers is proven to work. But a little bit of myself wants to follow a low carb version of Weight Watchers (that I make up myself). We'll see how it goes.

Edgar just turned 30 and is really doing great at getting in shape. It is pretty sad when your tall 6'5'' husband weighs the same as you. Anyways, I bought him a scale for his birthday. It wasn't a lame gift, he has been wanting one for a while (who wouldn't want a scale over a video game anyway?). We took the scale out of the box and tried it out. This scale is evil...it is like your worst female enemy in high school. You know the one that finds joy in telling you that your body fat percentage is in the 'obese' range! Yeah, you all know what I am talking about. Anyways, it measures weight, total body fat, total water percentage, and it tells you if you are 'obese', 'over-fat', 'healthy' or 'under-fat'. Torture.

Keeping up

I am doing good, and keeping up. Edgar got me some running shoes for Mother's Day (I think it might be a hint). I am now running...trying to train for a 5k marathon. To most that sounds like a wussy marathon but to me, it seems impossible. I have just started running again, and try to run 2 miles a day...it seems to take me about 30 minutes. But this is on a treadmill. I find that when I go outside, and I am forced to run up hill, or the temperature is not ideal...I give up. So maybe I will stick to the treadmill for now. Shed some of my poundage, so running isn't so difficult, then take it outside.
I also gave up the low carbs and went to low calorie...that was a mistake. I don't know why, but it seems I can only lose weight with low carbs. If I ingest those evil little carbs (if they are in the form of bread or sugar), the scale goes out of control...even if I am within my calorie limit. So I am back on lowcarb. I think that I will do this for a month or so, then maybe switch to low calorie by introducing more good carbs in.
I've also been thinking about doing a cleanse...but I will have to give up my diet coke. Everybody tells me I need to give it up anyway. But diet coke is such a good friend. He is always there for me. When I am down, he picks me up. When I am lonely, he keeps me company. We have been together for such a long time. I just don't know if I can abandon him. I am however starting to think he might be hurting me (I would never say that out loud for fear he would hear me). But I have pains in my kidneys, and I feel like it might do me really good to abandon him. It is going to be hard on both of us.

Back on the Wagon

Ok, I am back. Back on the horse...and I am scared. I really need to do this. I need to do it right. I feel myself fail far too often. I need to be more realistic with my goals. I need to be ok with losing weight to be healthy, instead of looking like a hot babe (because that likely will not happen).
Reason I fell off the wagon: I took baby Rohnin to the doctor for his 4 month checkup (at 5 months). He was in the 85th percentile for his height at 3 months, and it stayed the same for 5 months...good. But he dropped from the 80th percentile to the 20th for his weight in 2 months...bad. My doctor connected it to me dieting and breastfeeding. He said that I could not continue to diet, and continue to breastfeed. I wasn't ready to give up breastfeeding at that point, so I went back to eating shit (not literally of course). I don't really know how to find a middle ground. I need to reteach myself. It is all or none for me. If I have a couple of M&M's, I feel cheated/uncomplete/empty if I don't eat the whole bag. I need to get out of this mindset.
Back on the Wagon: Edgar and I just got back from Hawaii, and I weaned the baby (this still makes me sad). I've gotton up to 213...who knows if this is correct because my scale has a memory. Edgar and I always weigh the same in the mornings. And it is so off from day to day it is rediculous. Hopefully the scale is lying, and I am really a hot babe, and the scale is just trying to ruin my life and keep me down.
Goals: I want to run a small marathon at the end of the summer...preferably a 5K. This is going to kick my butt. I know that others will think "what a wimp". But for me it will be an accomplishment. Even in highschool I hated running the mile. That even kicked my butt when I didn't have jiggling flab. So I will train by running 2 miles a day at 4.5 mph for now. We will see how that goes, and then I will gradually up it. I will do it on the treadmill until I get the hang of it, and until it stops snowing (I know this is alot to ask IN MAY!). I think I am also going to not worry about my carbs so much, as I am going to stick to a menu of under so many calories, and eating many times during the day, small meals... like Brooke recommends (hey, if I take her advice, maybe I will end up looking like her!). I am really good at budgeting, and staying within a $$ budget. If I translate it into an eating/excersize budget, it might help my accounting analytical mind.

Here we go, wish me luck!