Back on the Wagon

Ok, I am back. Back on the horse...and I am scared. I really need to do this. I need to do it right. I feel myself fail far too often. I need to be more realistic with my goals. I need to be ok with losing weight to be healthy, instead of looking like a hot babe (because that likely will not happen).
Reason I fell off the wagon: I took baby Rohnin to the doctor for his 4 month checkup (at 5 months). He was in the 85th percentile for his height at 3 months, and it stayed the same for 5 months...good. But he dropped from the 80th percentile to the 20th for his weight in 2 months...bad. My doctor connected it to me dieting and breastfeeding. He said that I could not continue to diet, and continue to breastfeed. I wasn't ready to give up breastfeeding at that point, so I went back to eating shit (not literally of course). I don't really know how to find a middle ground. I need to reteach myself. It is all or none for me. If I have a couple of M&M's, I feel cheated/uncomplete/empty if I don't eat the whole bag. I need to get out of this mindset.
Back on the Wagon: Edgar and I just got back from Hawaii, and I weaned the baby (this still makes me sad). I've gotton up to 213...who knows if this is correct because my scale has a memory. Edgar and I always weigh the same in the mornings. And it is so off from day to day it is rediculous. Hopefully the scale is lying, and I am really a hot babe, and the scale is just trying to ruin my life and keep me down.
Goals: I want to run a small marathon at the end of the summer...preferably a 5K. This is going to kick my butt. I know that others will think "what a wimp". But for me it will be an accomplishment. Even in highschool I hated running the mile. That even kicked my butt when I didn't have jiggling flab. So I will train by running 2 miles a day at 4.5 mph for now. We will see how that goes, and then I will gradually up it. I will do it on the treadmill until I get the hang of it, and until it stops snowing (I know this is alot to ask IN MAY!). I think I am also going to not worry about my carbs so much, as I am going to stick to a menu of under so many calories, and eating many times during the day, small meals... like Brooke recommends (hey, if I take her advice, maybe I will end up looking like her!). I am really good at budgeting, and staying within a $$ budget. If I translate it into an eating/excersize budget, it might help my accounting analytical mind.

Here we go, wish me luck!